Father in law jokes

Father-in-Law Jokes – Lighten Up Family Gatherings

Spread the love

Diving into father-in-law jokes is like walking a tightrope: thrilling yet filled with unexpected turns. It’s the spice in our family gatherings, isn’t it?

These jokes unravel the peculiar yet endearing bond shared with in-laws. (When you are finished with this read our favorite Mother in Law Jokes) Ever found yourself chuckling over a dinner table quip that’s just on the edge?

That’s the sweet spot. Here, we’ll explore those chuckles, navigating through quips that resonate with many, yet remain as unique as our own family stories.

Ready for a rollercoaster of wit and warmth? Let’s crack into the world where every jest is a bridge to closer ties.

Father In Law Jokes

Father In Law Jokes

My father-in-law said he was on a seafood diet. He sees food and he eats it!

Asked my father-in-law for his Wi-Fi password. He said, “We don’t use Wi-Fi. We talk to each other!”

My father-in-law’s favorite exercise? Running… late.

“I’m not sleeping,” my father-in-law insists, “I’m just checking my eyelids for holes.”

When my father-in-law says, “I’ll think about it,” it’s his special way of saying no without saying no.

My father-in-law calls his bald spot a solar panel for a love machine.

At dinner, my father-in-law asked for a map. Said he got lost in my conversation.

Why did my father-in-law sit on the newspaper? He wanted to get the latest news.

My father-in-law’s house is so clean, we have to wipe our feet before we go out.

He says he doesn’t need Google. His wife knows everything!

“I don’t trust stairs,” says my father-in-law, “they’re always up to something.”

He jokes about being an excellent multitasker. Can ignore me and watch TV at the same time!

My father-in-law’s diet tip: If no one sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain calories.

“You can’t be late until you show up,” he says. Genius!

According to him, a balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

He claims he’s not arguing. Just explaining why he’s right.

“Life is like a camera,” he muses, “focus on what’s important and you’ll capture it perfectly.”

His idea of a busy day? Moving from the bed to the couch.

He’s not losing his hair, he says. It’s just getting too expensive to keep.

Why doesn’t my father-in-law ever play hide and seek with me? Because good luck hiding when he’s not looking.

“Exercise? I thought you said extra fries,” he laughs.

His secret to a happy life? Two TVs. One for him, one for his wife.

“I only drink on days that start with ‘T’,” he claims. “Tuesday, Thursday, today, and tomorrow.”

He thinks WiFi is the most important meal of the day.

“I’m not lazy,” he insists. “I’m on energy-saving mode.”

Why did he bring a ladder to the bar? Heard the drinks were on the house.

He’s not a morning person or a night person. More of a “not waking up” person.

“I’m not snoring,” he says, “I’m purring.”

His favorite way to lose weight? Shaving his beard.

Why does he always carry a pencil? In case someone erases the internet.

“I didn’t fall,” he declares. “The floor just needed a hug.”

His cooking secret? If you can’t smell it, it’s not ready.

Why does he wear sunglasses inside? He shines too bright.

“Age is just a number,” he says. “In my case, unlisted.”

His fitness goal? To reach the remote without getting up.

Why did he stare at the juice carton? It said concentrate.

His philosophy? If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

“I’m not going bald,” he quips. “I’m getting more headroom.”

Why doesn’t he ever play cards with the jungle animals? Too many cheetahs.

His favorite historical period? The one before his birth. “Life was simpler then,” he sighs.

Father-in-laws: they age like fine wine. The older they get, the more they whine about tech.

Why did my father-in-law take a ladder to his job interview? He heard it helps to get your foot in the door.

What’s a father-in-law’s favorite workout? Jumping to conclusions.

How does a father-in-law stop a DVD? He just tells it to pause, like he does with every story.

Father-in-law’s diet tip: “If it tastes good, spit it out.”

“Son, marriage is like a workshop. You work, I shop,” quips the father-in-law.

Why do father-in-laws love history? They’ve lived through half of it!

My father-in-law’s cooking secret? If at first you don’t succeed, order pizza.

“Why change a light bulb when you have a son-in-law?” he pondered.

Father-in-law’s take on gardening: “Weeds? You mean my herbal garden?”

“To avoid arguments, I always agree with my wife,” he advised. “Then do as I please.”

A father-in-law’s favorite movie? “Gone with the Wind.” Just like his advice.

Why are father-in-laws bad at hide and seek? They always appear when you least expect.

“Driving with your mother-in-law,” he says, “ensures you’ll never speed again.”

What’s a father-in-law’s idea of a perfect day? The remote in one hand, and nothing else planned.

“A clean car is a sign,” he muses, “that you’re missing a great fishing spot.”

His secret to a happy life? “Two words: ‘Yes, dear.'”

Why don’t father-in-laws play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when they start telling stories.

Father-in-law’s guide to tech: “Why tap an app when you can just clap?”

“Budgeting is simple,” he explains. “If it’s fun, you can’t afford it.”

On fashion: “Socks with sandals bring out your eyes,” he insists.

“My father-in-law’s idea of multitasking? Snoring and watching TV.”

Why do father-in-laws love golf? It’s the only time they can drive without backseat driving.

“You know you’re a father-in-law when your dance moves date back to the disco era.”

His take on modern music: “If it’s too loud, you’re too old… or you’re me.”

“In my day, we didn’t have autocorrect,” he reminisces. “We had to live with our mistakes, like your mother-in-law.”

“I’ve been married so long, I still think a bitcoin is a new kind of chocolate coin.”

Why do father-in-laws always tell you to check the oil? It’s the only check they don’t mind writing.

His secret to staying young? “Lie about your age, just like your mother-in-law does about her cooking.”

“Remember, son, a smart man knows his limits. A wise man knows his wife’s limits.”

On advice: “Always listen to your father-in-law. It saves time from learning things the hard way.”

“Why do I sit with my back to the TV? So I can criticize the show better.”

“A father-in-law’s love is like a software update. It might take a while, but it’s worth the wait.”

“You can tell a lot about a man by his barbecue. Mine says, ‘Help wanted.'”

“I’m not losing hair, I’m gaining face,” he proudly declares.

“Son, the secret to a happy marriage is simple: two bathrooms.”

“Why go to therapy when you can just tell a father-in-law your problems?”

“I’m not old, I’m a classic,” he asserts. “Just like your mother-in-law’s meatloaf recipe.”

My father-in-law is so good at sleeping, he can do it with his eyes closed!

“I told my father-in-law I was indecisive. He said, ‘Are you sure?'”

Father In Law Jokes One Liner

Father In Law Jokes One Liner

My father-in-law’s favorite way to lose weight is shaking his head ‘no’ at dessert.

“Got a book on anti-gravity from my father-in-law; can’t put it down!”

When asked about his secret to a long life, my father-in-law says, “Wrong birthdays.”

“Father-in-law’s diet tip: If no one sees you eat it, it’s calorie-free.”

Father-in-law claims he’s allergic to technology; even emails make him break out in ignorance.

“Asked my father-in-law for his Wi-Fi password. He said, ‘Try again tomorrow.'”

My father-in-law’s idea of a workout is lifting spirits – usually his own, with whiskey.

“Father-in-law says he doesn’t snore. He dreams he’s a motorcycle.”

According to my father-in-law, a clean house is a sign of a broken computer.

“Father-in-law’s cooking motto: If it’s not burnt, it’s not done.”

My father-in-law’s retirement plan: avoiding my mother-in-law.

“Father-in-law’s secret to happiness: earplugs.”

Father-in-law’s favorite historical period is when he naps.

“Asked him how to fix a broken dishwasher. He bought my mother-in-law a cookbook.”

Father-in-law thinks ‘streaming’ is something fish do.

“His weather forecast: If you can see the dogs, it’s not foggy.”

My father-in-law’s car is so smart, it just leaves without him.

“To my father-in-law, ‘exercise’ is a dirty word. He washes his mouth out with cake.”

Father-in-law’s motto: If at first, you don’t succeed, check if there was a prize for trying.

“He says he’s on a seafood diet. He sees food and he eats it.”

Father-in-law’s favorite workout routine is a mix of eye rolls and jumping to conclusions.

“He calls his recliner ‘the painkiller.'”

Father-in-law’s cooking tip: if you can’t smell it burning, it’s not dinner time yet.

“His favorite wine: ‘I don’t wanna fix it.'”

Father-in-law believes in magic. Every time he touches something, it breaks!

“He says his home security system is the sound of his snoring.”

Father-in-law’s guide to saving money: “Forget your wife’s birthday, once.”

“He thinks ‘Bluetooth’ is a dental problem.”

Father-in-law’s definition of multitasking: watching TV while worrying about everything.

“Asked him for his Wi-Fi password. He said ‘It’s on the back of the router,’ which is bolted to the wall.”

Why did the father-in-law bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.

Father-in-law’s guide to fixing electronics: “Have you tried hitting it?”

How does a father-in-law stop a TV show he dislikes? By telling everyone how much better shows were in his day.

Father-in-law’s take on modern art: “I could do that… but I guess I forgot.”

Why are father-in-laws like magicians? They always have a trick up their sleeve, especially when it comes to disappearing at bill time.

Groom Father In Law Jokes

Asked my father-in-law how to handle marriage. He said, “Learn to say ‘you’re right’ even in your sleep.”

“Father-in-law told me marriage is like a deck of cards. Starts with hearts and diamonds, ends with clubs and spades.”

My father-in-law’s advice on marriage: “Always have the last two words, ‘Yes, dear.'”

“He says the secret to a happy marriage is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.”

Father-in-law warned me, “Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, then you wake up.”

“Told me a happy wife means a happy life. So, I bought her a puppy. Now we’re both in the doghouse.”

My father-in-law on finance: “Son, always keep your bank account and your wife’s smile in the positive.”

“Says his biggest fear was dancing at my wedding. Now it’s my cooking.”

Father-in-law’s take on family visits: “Like fish, relatives start to stink after three days. Except me.”

“He suggested marriage counseling. Turns out, it’s just him giving me advice over a beer.”

My father-in-law’s diet advice: “Eat whatever your wife cooks. It’s not about taste, it’s about survival.”

“On my wedding day, he said the secret to enduring love is forgetting to mention the things you remember.”

Father-in-law’s idea of help: “I’ll hold the ladder while you change the light bulb, son. That way, we’ll both fall.”

“Told me the best way to remember anniversaries is to forget once.”

My father-in-law’s strategy for arguments: “When you’re wrong, admit it. When you’re right, run.”

“He says every time he thinks he’s the boss, he checks with my mother-in-law.”

Father-in-law’s wisdom: “Marriage is a workshop. I work, she shops.”

“Gifted me a ‘DIY Fix Everything’ book. Forgot to mention it’s for fixing my own mistakes.”

My father-in-law’s definition of a romantic evening: “One where the TV is off.”

“He says keeping a wife happy is an art. He’s still waiting for his masterpiece.”

Father-in-law on compromise: “It’s an art of deciding which sofa you’ll sleep on.”

“Warned me, ‘Son, marriage is like a museum. You start with enthusiasm, then just keep whispering.'”

My father-in-law’s take on cooking: “If you can’t stand the heat, order takeout.”

“He said marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in, and those inside want out.”

Father-in-law’s guide to peace at home: “The remote control. That’s the key.”

“Tells me, ‘Son, the best way to remember your anniversary is by forgetting it once.'”

My father-in-law’s take on in-laws: “We’re like software updates. Annoying but necessary.”

“His marriage advice: ‘Two words, son – ‘Yes, dear.'”

Father-in-law on honesty: “Always be honest with your wife, except about her cooking.”

“He joked, ‘Marriage is finding that one special person you can annoy for the rest of your life.'”

Birthday Jokes For Father In Iaw

Asked my father-in-law what he wants for his birthday. He said, “A moment of silence.”

“Happy birthday! We got you a new coffee mug that says, ‘At least I’m not as old as I will be next year.'”

For his birthday, I got my father-in-law a map. He still can’t find his way out of a paper bag.

“Told him candles this year would cost more than the cake. We’re using a flashlight instead.”

My father-in-law’s birthday cake is a fire hazard. Next year, we’re just lighting a bonfire.

“Happy birthday! Found you the perfect anti-aging cream. It’s called ‘dim lighting.'”

Asked him what his secret to looking young is. He said, “Living in denial.”

“This year, we’re skipping the candles. Don’t want to trigger the fire alarm. Happy birthday!”

My father-in-law’s idea of blowing out candles is turning on the ceiling fan.

“For your birthday, we considered getting you something to slow aging. Then remembered, you already drive like that.”

Told my father-in-law we’d take him out for his birthday. He got excited until he realized we meant dinner, not the pasture.

“Happy birthday! I’m not saying you’re old, but if age were a phone call, you’d be a long-distance one.”

We got him a cake that says, “Age is just a number.” But we didn’t have enough space for his number.

“Your birthday’s a special time to reflect on all the wonderful moments. Like that nap you took yesterday.”

For his birthday, my father-in-law asked for peace and quiet. We’re all leaving the house for the day.

“Happy birthday! You’re at an age when your back goes out more than you do.”

My father-in-law wanted something wild for his birthday. So, we let him choose where to put the new plant.

“This birthday, we got you a new wallet. It’s the thought that counts, right? Because it’s empty.”

Asked what he wanted for his birthday. He said, “A better memory.” We got him a notebook.

“Happy birthday! Remember, you’re not old. You’re just… vintage.”

For his birthday, I told my father-in-law we’d get him something from the heart. He’s getting a homemade card again.

“You know you’re getting old when your candles cost more than your cake. Happy birthday!”

This year, we’re giving my father-in-law the gift of laughter for his birthday. It’s cheaper than a present.

“Happy birthday! At your age, ‘getting lucky’ means finding your car in the parking lot.”

My father-in-law’s birthday wish was to feel young again. We’re playing hide and seek later.

“For your birthday, we thought about a trip to somewhere exotic. Ended up with a documentary on the couch.”

My father-in-law’s birthday cake is like him, a little crusty but sweet inside.

“Happy birthday! Just remember, wine gets better with age, and you like wine, right?”

For his birthday, my father-in-law wanted something with lots of horsepower. He got a lawnmower.

“We decided on a timeless gift for your birthday: a calendar. Surprise!”

Father’s Day Jokes For Father In Law

My father-in-law asked for a relaxing Father’s Day. We handed him the TV remote and disappeared.

“Happy Father’s Day! Remember, you don’t have grey hair; you have wisdom highlights.”

Father-in-law says he’s aged like fine wine. Must be why he’s always in the cellar.

“For Father’s Day, we’re giving you a book on patience. We’ll read it to you later.”

Asked him what he wanted for Father’s Day. He said a moment’s peace. We got him earplugs.

“Father’s Day special: You get to choose where we eat! We’ll still go where your daughter wants, though.”

My father-in-law’s idea of a wild Father’s Day is watering the plants outside instead of inside.

“Happy Father’s Day! We got you a new throne — it’s called a lawn chair.”

For Father’s Day, I told him we’d listen to his stories. The whole story. Again.

“You’re not old, you’re just a classic. Happy Father’s Day to our vintage model!”

Father-in-law’s Father’s Day gift is a map. Now he can find where he left his glasses.

“We were going to get you a joke book for Father’s Day, but your jokes are unbeatable.”

My father-in-law wants a peaceful Father’s Day. So, the Wi-Fi password changes every hour.

“Father’s Day forecast: 100% chance of napping.”

He asked for something sweet for Father’s Day. We’re letting him win at cards.

“Happy Father’s Day! We got you some noise-canceling headphones. For our peace, not yours.”

Father-in-law’s diet for Father’s Day: cake, pie, and a nap.

“We figured out your ideal Father’s Day gift: a day without ‘do it yourself’ projects.”

For Father’s Day, he’s getting the biggest steak. Cardboard cutout steaks count, right?

“Your Father’s Day gift is us pretending to laugh at your jokes. All day.”

Father-in-law’s guide to a great Father’s Day: pretending the TV remote is lost.

“This Father’s Day, we’re giving you the gift of silence. We’re all leaving for the day.”

Asked him his plans for Father’s Day. He said, “Correcting your DIY mistakes.”

“For Father’s Day, you’re getting a new grill! We’ll be watching you assemble it.”

Father-in-law’s perfect Father’s Day: everyone else doing the chores while he supervises.

“Happy Father’s Day! Enjoy your ‘world’s best father-in-law’ mug. It’s for holding screws, not coffee.”

This Father’s Day, we’re letting him tell us how to drive. From the backseat.

“Your Father’s Day gift is a wallet. It’s like the one you have, but with money in it.”

For Father’s Day, he wanted something expensive. We showed him pictures of sports cars.

“This Father’s Day, we promise not to touch the thermostat. Your reign is safe… for now.”

Spread the love

Leave a Comment