Caught amidst a global pandemic, who would’ve guessed we’d be chuckling over our collective plight?
Turns out, the quirks of quarantine and our newfound digital office faux pas can indeed tickle the funny bone.
Why not take a moment to chuckle over our shared misadventures?
From the great toilet paper rush to unexpected pets appearing in video meetings, COVID-19 jokes serve up a dose of much-needed laughter.
Ready to explore the lighter side of our new normal with some pandemic humor?
Let’s dive into the surprisingly humorous aspects of our current reality.
Covid-19 Jokes
Why did the germ avoid the computer? It didn’t want to catch a virus!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
HIPAA.
HIPAA who?
Sorry, I can’t share that information.
What’s a virus’s favorite dance move? The flu-y shuffle!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy during quarantine!
Who do viruses go to when they feel sick? The database.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms anymore? Because they make up everything, even the virus!
What kind of art do viruses love? Anything that goes viral!
How do introverts prepare for a pandemic? Exactly the same as always!
Why was the math book sad during the pandemic? It had too many problems!
What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst-käse scenario.
How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it.
Why do computers never catch COVID? Because it’s a viral infection, not a computer one!
What did the sick lamp say? I’m not feeling so light today!
How do you measure a social distancing rule at Hogwarts? With a Slytherinther tape!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing in quarantine!
What’s an optimist’s favorite part of a pandemic? The ‘positive’ outcomes!
How did the pandemic affect the gardening world? Plant sales went viral!
What do you call a dinosaur that is careful about viruses? A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
Why don’t viruses play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad.
Why did the computer sneeze? It caught a bug!
What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.
What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s a coronavirus, the other is a Verona crisis.
Why did the scarecrow become a motivational speaker? He was outstanding in his field, even during lockdown.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
How did one ocean greet the other during the pandemic? They waved from a distance.
What do you call an ant who fights viruses? Antibody!
How do you organize a fantastic space party? You planet early.
Why did the computer take a sick day? To reboot its system!
What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I scream!
What does a house wear? Address!
How do you tell if a vampire is sick? He’s always coffin.
Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired from social distancing!
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A pandemic.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, keeping viruses away.
What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I’m going on ahead!
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
Why was the math book depressed? It had too many problems during the lockdown.
How do pickles enjoy a day out? They relish it!
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global worming.
funny covid 19 jokes
Masks are the new bras: They’re uncomfortable, but we feel weird without them.
Siri, what’s the real virus? “Your 24/7 snacking habit during quarantine!”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you know if you don’t open the door!
Streaming services during the lockdown call it a captive audience!
At the start of quarantine, I took a huge risk. I played Monopoly with my family!
Ever tried a pandemic diet? You wear a mask and try to eat snacks.
What’s Covid’s favorite song? “Don’t Stand So Close to Me.”
Quarantine fashion trend: Wearing the same outfit so long, it stands up and walks on its own.
Remote work update: My houseplants are now my colleagues. They’re pretty quiet.
Homeschooling update: My kid just declared a recess from my teaching.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it’s too crowded at the supermarket!
How do you throw a space-themed pandemic party? You planet online!
Pizza during quarantine has a new name: survival dough.
Pandemic hobby update: I’m not getting bored; I’m enhancing my indoor survival skills.
Riddle time: What’s invisible and makes people avoid you? No, not that. Bad jokes!
Buying flour and yeast now feels like a drug deal. “You got the stuff?”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita more toilet paper, please!
My cleaning products are the new VIPs in my house.
Did you hear about the actor who could finally perform hand washing correctly? He got a soap award.
If quarantine were a drink, what would it be? A quarantini.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Owen.
Owen who?
Owen the quarantine ends!
Pets during quarantine: Now wondering who’s the pet really.
Hand sanitizers during the pandemic got promoted from third-string to MVP.
Pandemic cooking shows should be called “Guess the Recipe with What’s Left in Your Fridge.”
If you enjoyed my quarantine jokes, you’re clearly socially distanced enough.
Lockdown update: I’ve finished Netflix.
How do you know your cat’s done with quarantine? When it starts sending YOU memes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked, that’s why I’m knocking!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms in social media? Because they make up everything viral!
My favorite indoor activity? Yelling at the characters on TV for not washing their hands.
Covid-19 Jokes Dark Humor
Why don’t viruses use social media? Too many bugs.
My survival plan for the apocalypse didn’t include homeschooling.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Mask.
Mask who?
Mask you a question but please stand back!
Pandemics remind us we all share at least one thing—absolutely nothing.
During lockdown, my screen time went up faster than toilet paper stock.
Ever wonder if Earth sent humans to their rooms to think about what they’ve done?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Vaccine.
Vaccine who?
Vaccine any of your friends lately?
Grocery shopping has become a real-life version of Pac-Man. Avoid everyone, get the fruits.
2020: When my hands consumed more alcohol than my mouth.
Introverts during a pandemic: “I’ve been preparing for this my whole life.”
Remember when air was free at the gas station? Now, it comes with sanitizer.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Quarantine.
Quarantine who?
Quarantine myself from these bad jokes!
If laughter is the best medicine, my face mask hides the side effects.
Why did the computer start coughing? It caught a virus from a trojan!
Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.
Why are parties like Covid tests? Better positive than negative.
Hand sanitizer is my new perfume.
Why don’t zombies catch Covid? They practice social dismembering.
What’s scarier than a horror film? My webcam turning on unexpectedly during quarantine.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like to stay six feet away, please?
Why did the smartphone go to therapy? It lost its touch support during the pandemic.
If I wanted to live in a dystopian society, I’d have at least picked one with cooler outfits.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Isolate.
Isolate who?
Isolate better if you laugh!
My coffee tastes like I made it with hand sanitizer.
Why are ghosts no good at lying? You can see right through them, just like those mask exemptions.
Lockdown is like lasagna. It has layers of what I should be doing vs. what I am actually doing.
Why did the scarecrow win an award during the pandemic? He was outstanding in his field of masks.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Control.
Control who?
Control your coughing, dude!
Wearing a mask has been great. I can yawn and no one knows.
Why did the joke get quarantined? It went viral.
Covid-19 Jokes One Liners
My cleaning spray is the new vodka; it’s everywhere at my house now.
2020: The year when my coffee maker saw more of me than my friends.
Remember, a mask a day keeps the doctor on a Zoom call away.
Quarantine feels like a Netflix series: Just one more episode before I go out.
Home is where you hang your facemask.
2020: Walking dead, but with Wi-Fi.
Toilet paper became more important than Bitcoin.
Is it too late to uninstall 2020 and reinstall it? It has a virus.
Not to brag, but I haven’t been late to anything in weeks!
Turns out, my top three hobbies are: 1. Restaurants, 2. Bars, 3. Non-essential businesses.
Facemasks are the new bra; they’re uncomfortable, but we feel weird without them.
Social distancing champion since the day I started online gaming.
Why don’t we tell COVID-19 jokes in binary? Because only 10 people would understand them.
Stay positive, test negative.
If I keep sanitizing my hands, my browser history will be cleaner than my conscience.
My socks now see more of the grocery store than my shoes do.
I’m not adding this year to my age; I didn’t use it.
Why was the computer cold at home? It left its Windows open.
I’m not speaking to myself. I’m having a staff meeting.
This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
Remember when air was free at gas stations? Now, it’s hand sanitizer.
I miss the days when we were terrified of Romaine lettuce.
Can we uninstall 2020 and install it again? This version has a virus!
My car is getting three weeks to the gallon right now.
Binge-watching my refrigerator contents today.
Thanks to quarantine, I completed Netflix.
I started a band called 1023MB. We haven’t got a gig yet.
Remember, the floor is lava. Seriously, you shouldn’t be leaving your house anyway.
My laundry pile this week has more layers than my social life.
If you thought toilet paper was crazy, just wait until 4 billion people all need a haircut appointment.
Best Covid 19 Jokes
Pandemic life is like my coffee, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve re-heated it.
My 2020 planner has turned into a very expensive coloring book.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard I know if you’ve washed your hands?
I now have a kitchen in my home office, or is it an office in my kitchen?
If you see me talking to my cat, it’s our team meeting.
I need to practice social-distancing from the fridge.
My cat’s the only one happy about my quarantine. She thinks I quit my job to spend time with her.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
Remember when we used to eat cake after someone had blown on it? Good times.
Ever looked at your shopping list and thought, “Who’s this for, a family of squirrels?”
This year’s hottest fashion trend is eyebrows, since it’s the only thing you see over masks.
Working from home means every day is casual Friday.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
No need to cry, it’s just another day in 2020!
They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store. They lied, everyone else had clothes on.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape the people not wearing masks.
Quarantine has turned our dog into a doorbell. He informs us of all visitors, wanted or not.
My wallet has started social distancing from money.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive the way you smile behind your mask.
What do you call a snowman in summer? A puddle! Like our plans for 2020.
A big shout-out to all the parents learning math again to help with homework.
I’m not saying my family’s loud, but we just got a noise complaint from the zoo.
What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, much like my quarantine workout plan.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie body seen my sanity lately?
When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic. Just like when it gives you quarantinis.
Since quarantine started, I argue a lot with my broom. It swept the competition.
My dog fetches the ball just as quickly as he social distances from his vet.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Ken you step back six feet, please?
Quarantine day 32: The trash goes out more than I do.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, make a joke about pandemics.
Covid 19 Vaccine Jokes
Vaccines are in, and this is one shot you won’t forget to brag about.
My vaccine side effect? A sudden urge to travel.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little laugh after that shot!
I got my vaccine but still wearing my mask. It’s called fashion, look it up!
Side effects of the vaccine? Now I can’t stop buying plane tickets.
Doctor: You need a second dose. Patient: Back for another shot at it, huh?
My vaccine has a great aftertaste. It’s called freedom.
Two viruses walked into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we only serve humans here.”
I’m not saying I trust the vaccine makers, but I do trust my need to party.
How do you organize a party post-vaccine? Poke everyone on Facebook.
Vaccines are like puns: not everyone gets them.
My arms were made for lifting, but today they got a lift from a vaccine.
I got a vaccine and all I got was this lousy immune system.
Jokes about vaccines are tough. If you miss the timing, you get no reaction.
Why did the vaccine go to school? To open more doors.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Arm.
Arm who?
Arm ready for my vaccine, thanks!
Don’t worry, the vaccine is a shot of hope, not tequila.
Vaccine side effect: Feeling invincible but still can’t fly.
Why did the smartphone need a vaccine? To prevent viral videos.
Got my vaccine. Now my WiFi connects faster.
How do vaccines travel? In little shots.
Why did the vampire refuse the vaccine? He heard it was a shot in the arm.
Vaccines are like secrets. Nurses know how to keep them.
Got my shot and still can’t dance. Guess it’s not a miracle cure.
What do you call a competitive vaccine? A game changer.
I told my doctor I’m afraid of needles. He said, “It’s just a little prick.”
Vaccines give you a shot at more birthdays.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Vax.
Vax who?
Vax on, mask off!
Doctor said, “You’ll barely feel the vaccine.” He was right, my arm felt it more.
Did you hear about the vampire who got a vaccine? He wanted to be fang-tastic
I’m Delaney Jameson, the soul behind inspiremymantra.com! As a healing expert, writer, and self-growth enthusiast, I’ve made it my mission to share my passion for affirmations and personal transformation with the world.
Through life’s ups and downs, I’ve discovered the power of healing and self-discovery. With every challenge, I’ve grown stronger, wiser, and more connected to my authentic self. This journey led me to create inspiremymantra.com, a space where I can share the lessons, love, and light that have transformed my life.
Join me as we explore the magic of affirmations, embrace self-improvement, and create the lives we’ve always dreamed of – one mantra at a time. Let’s grow together and unleash our full potential!
