As the calendar flips its final page, New Year’s Eve isn’t just the endgame of numbers; it’s a carnival of chuckles ripe for the picking. Yet, snagging that perfect joke is a crafty challenge.
Laughter, after all, is a fickle friend – hard to pin down, but oh so delightful when it lands. What we’ve got here is a carefully curated mix of quick-fire one-liners and longer, quirkier tales each a potential spark for your New Year’s Eve giggle-fest.
Dive in and discover the perfect quip to make your crowd roar with laughter as the clock strikes midnight. Ready to giggle your way into the New Year?
Happy New Year Jokes
What’s a New Year’s resolution’s favorite game? Hide and Seek — they disappear so fast!
How can you find the New Year’s Eve party? Just follow the “resolutions” — they’re always leaving early!
Why did the man sprinkle sugar on his clock? To have a sweet New Year!
What did the calendar say to January? “Your days are numbered this year!”
Why was the math book sad on New Year’s? Too many problems going into the New Year.
How did the New Year catch a cold? It rang in the draft!
What’s a ghost’s favorite New Year cheer? “Boo Year!”
Why don’t cats celebrate New Year’s? They’re afraid of the “paws” button!
What’s a firework’s favorite song? “Boom Boom Pow” to the New Year!
What did the New Year say to the old year? “I’m taking over now!”
How does a snowman celebrate New Year’s? By chilling out!
Why did the computer break up with the internet on New Year’s? It needed more space!
What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve? “I haven’t seen you since last year!”
What’s a sheep’s New Year resolution? To woolly improve itself!
Why was the belt arrested on New Year’s Eve? It held up a pair of pants!
How do you wish a basketball player a happy new year? “Have a ball this year!”
What’s a New Year’s favorite type of music? “Pop” because of the fireworks!
Why do programmers love New Year’s? They get to reboot their lives!
What did the New Year’s Eve party say to the confetti? “You’re a blast!”
What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of New Year’s? The countdown!
Why was the broom late for the New Year’s party? It swept in at the last minute!
How do chickens celebrate New Year’s? They cluck “Auld Lang Syne”!
What’s a vampire’s New Year resolution? To fang out more!
Why did the tomato turn red on New Year’s? It saw the salad dressing up!
What did the grape say on New Year’s? “Nothing, it just let out a little wine!”
Why do New Year’s resolutions never stick? They’re in one year and out the other!
What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve? Social “net-year-working”!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one this year!
How does the ocean say Happy New Year? It waves!
What did Father Time say to the New Year baby? “I’m your elder, respect your elders!”
Why did the robber take a bath before the New Year? He wanted a clean start!
What do cows say on December 31st? Happy Moo Year!
What’s a book’s favorite way to celebrate the New Year? Turning a new leaf!
Why did the soccer player sit out New Year’s Eve? He got a red card last year!
What’s a New Year’s resolution for a remote? To control itself better!
Why don’t oysters donate on New Year’s? They are shellfish!
How did the New Year toast the old year? With apple cider and good cheer!
What did January say when it saw itself in the mirror? “This is my year!”
How does Darth Vader like his toast on New Year’s? On the dark side!
Why did the New Year go to school? To get a little brighter!
Funny New Year Jokes
How do pickles celebrate the New Year? They relish every moment!
What’s a New Year’s resolution for a basketball? To bounce back!
Why do cows have hooves on New Year’s Eve? Because they want to ‘moo’ve forward!
How did the calendar feel on January 1st? It had a new ‘date’ with destiny!
Why are New Year jokes great? They never get old!
What’s a snowman’s favorite New Year dance move? The freeze-frame!
How do you wish a farmer a Happy New Year? “Plant to be joyful!”
What did the little champagne bottle call its father? “Pop!”
What’s an elevator’s favorite New Year resolution? To lift spirits!
Why was the computer cold on New Year’s? It left its Windows open!
What’s a ghost’s favorite day of the year? New Fears Eve!
Why do we tell secrets on January 1st? Because it’s the start of a new ‘ear!
What’s the New Year’s favorite fruit? The date!
How do you throw a space party for the New Year? You planet!
What’s a firefly’s favorite day? Light Year’s Eve!
How does a Jedi wish Happy New Year? “May the force be with you this New Year!”
Why did the soccer ball go to the party? To kick off the New Year!
What’s the most popular New Year’s wine? “I don’t want to go back to school!”
Why did the gingerbread man wear a coat? He heard it was going to be ‘chili’ out!
How do cats wish each other Happy New Year? “Meow-y New Year!”
What did the fish say before January 1st? “Let’s make a splash this New Year!”
How does a dog say Happy New Year? “Woof you a Happy New Year!”
What’s a sheep’s New Year wish? Fleece Navidad!
Why was six afraid of New Year’s Eve? Because nine, ten, eleven party!
What did the New Year’s Eve party say to the hat? “You go on ahead, I’ll hang around!”
How does a scientist wish Happy New Year? By dropping the ball in Times Square!
What’s a runner’s favorite New Year resolution? To ‘race’ ahead!
How does the sun wish you a Happy New Year? It dawns on you!
Why was the belt happy on New Year’s? It had a ‘waist’ of a good time!
What’s a snowflake’s New Year message? “Stay cool and unique this year!”
Best New Year Jokes
Why did the man put his calendar in the freezer? He wanted to start the New Year in a “cool” way!
How do you find a New Year’s party in the forest? You follow the “tree-mendous” laughter!
What’s a runner’s favorite day? New Year’s “Dash”!
How does the moon celebrate the New Year? It throws a “crater” party!
What’s a New Year’s resolution for a hen? To lay out plans for egg-cellent adventures!
How do you wish an astronaut a Happy New Year? “Hope your year is out of this world!”
Why was the math book excited for the New Year? It wanted to add a bit of fun!
What do you call an organized New Year’s Eve celebration? A “planned-emonium”!
Why are New Year jokes good for you? They give you a “fresh” laugh!
How does a book start the New Year? By turning over a new leaf!
What did the New Year say to the old year? “Time’s up!”
How does a painter wish you a Happy New Year? “Hope your days are artfully bright!”
What’s a New Year’s resolution for a kangaroo? To jump into new opportunities!
How do you wish a farmer a Happy New Year? “Wishing you sow much joy!”
Why do people tell New Year’s jokes? To “ring” in the laugh!
What’s a vampire’s New Year toast? “Here’s to a biting new start!”
How do cats celebrate New Year’s? By meowing in harmony at midnight!
What’s a ghost’s favorite New Year’s activity? Boogie-ing down till dawn!
Why was the calendar excited for New Year’s? It was its day to shine!
What’s the New Year’s favorite game? “Guess my resolutions!”
How does a dog promise improvement in New Year? “I’ll be the fur-riend you deserve!”
Why did the joke wait till midnight on New Year’s? It wanted to “crack” up the new day!
What’s a snowman’s New Year’s resolution? To stay cool under pressure!
How do you know it’s New Year’s at a zoo? Even the elephants trumpet with joy!
What’s a computer’s New Year resolution? To have fewer bytes and more bits of fun!
Why did the scarecrow win an award on New Year’s? He was outstanding in his field last year!
How does a rabbit wish you a Happy New Year? “Hoppin’ you have a good one!”
What’s a baker’s New Year resolution? To rise to every occasion!
How do fireworks speak on New Year’s? In spark-tacular bursts!
Why was the clock happy on New Year’s? It knew it was its time to shine!
Dirty New Year Jokes
Midnight’s secret? The clock blushed seeing the ball drop!
Old snowman’s fate: just a puddle!
That bashful tomato? Saw the salad dressing.
Fireworks’ chat: “Our night to shine!”
Oysters at New Year’s? Shellfishly hoarding pearls.
Lemon’s goal: Add zest to life!
Chilly computers? They forgot to close last year’s Windows!
Party animals: Spotted – in confetti!
Auld Lang Syne-singing cat: Quite the mew-sician.
Why whisper on January 1st? New ears are listening!
That squished grape? It whined a bit.
Remote’s resolution: Better self-control!
Cows’ footwear choice? Lack-toes!
Baker’s promise: Rise above!
Math book’s New Year: Problem-filled!
Snowman’s preferred drink: Chilled iced tea.
Catching a cold on NYE? Blame the draft.
Skeletons’ battle avoidance? Lack of guts.
Janitor’s surprise: New Year’s supplies!
Boo Year! That’s ghost for Happy New Year.
Tuneful fish? Unlikely pianists.
Ghosts’ cheer: Un-boo-lievably spirited!
Nutty squirrel catching: Just climb and act!
Vest-wearing alligator? Undercover for New Year’s mysteries.
Computers munching on? Bite-sized microchips.
Golfer’s attire? Extra pants for unexpected holes!
Fireworks’ anthem: “Let’s light up the sky!”
Ocean’s greeting: Waves of joy!
Yoga’s New Year wish: Stretching into happiness.
Bike’s tumble? Exhausted from last year’s journey!
New Year Jokes One Liners
New Year’s resolution: switch the ‘Ctrl’ and ‘Alt’ keys and try to adjust.
January 1st: the only day when my joke’s expiration date extends.
I’d lose weight for my New Year’s resolution, but I hate losing.
New Year’s Eve forecast: mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
Time flies. I guess that’s why it’s always late for New Year!
I’m resolving to be less perfect so I have less to improve next year.
This year, my New Year’s resolution will be screen-sized – 1080p!
New Year’s mantra: Shed the fears, cheer with beers, and clear those tears!
This year, I plan to outdo myself by breaking the resolution I made last year.
Why wait? I’m already on my New Year’s resolution—procrastinating ahead of schedule!
My New Year’s resolution to lose weight is on pause—I’m not a fan of losing anything!
What’s my New Year’s resolution? I’ll start thinking about it next December.
New Year: New me? Let’s not overestimate a calendar’s power.
I don’t need a New Year to change. I need a new second!
Why call it a ‘New’ Year? Isn’t it just a refurbished last year?
Decided to back up my New Year’s resolution in the cloud for a change.
This year I resolved to be nostalgic. I miss 2022 already.
New Year’s Plan: Ctrl + Alt + Delete 2023’s mistakes.
My wallet’s New Year’s resolution is to stay fat.
New Year’s resolution for the couch: less change under the cushions.
New Year’s Eve is the time when your brain gives last call to memories!
I’m recycling last year’s resolution. Why waste a good thing?
For New Year’s, I’m going to do nothing. That way, I won’t break any resolutions.
New Year’s resolution: Start using the treadmill as more than a coat rack.
This year, let’s resolve to make better bad decisions.
My New Year’s resolution is to break my resolution, so I succeed by failing!
Why don’t we ever hear jokes about January? Because it’s a tough month to crack!
I resolved to save money this year, I’m just waiting for it to go on sale.
New Year’s Day: The official moment to craft our annual good intentions, again.
New Year’s resolution strategy: jot down 2024 goals and then rediscover the list in 2025!
Knock Knock New Year Jokes
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? New. New who? New Year, new laughs!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby New Year!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and let’s celebrate!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive your New Year’s resolutions!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good party for New Year’s Eve?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Will. Will who? Will you be my New Year’s kiss?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wendy. Wendy who? Wendy ball drops, let’s cheer!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anita. Anita who? Anita another calendar, it’s New Year’s!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Otto. Otto who? Otto know what your resolutions are!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Auld. Auld who? Auld acquaintance be remembered!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? June. June who? June know it’s January right?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Al. Al who? Al the best for the New Year!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tara. Tara who? Tara apart the dance floor this New Year!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Serena. Serena who? Serena song to welcome the New Year!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for a New Year’s toast!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dewey. Dewey who? Dewey have to wait long for midnight?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howe. Howe who? Howe about a New Year’s hug?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the bathtub, I’m diving into the New Year!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candice. Candice who? Candice door open to the New Year?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Don. Don who? Don you want to start the year with a smile?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rita. Rita who? Rita book for New Year’s resolution!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Yule. Yule who? Yule love what’s coming this year!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hugo. Hugo who? Hugo your way, I’ll go mine this New Year!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Claire. Claire who? Claire the way, New Year’s coming!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Isa. Isa who? Isa new beginning, let’s celebrate!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Beau. Beau who? Beau to the new year with grace!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Jess. Jess who? Jess in time for the countdown!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Andy. Andy who? Andy calendar says it’s time to party!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Asher. Asher who? Asher you’re ready for the New Year?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Omar. Omar who? Omar gosh, it’s almost New Year!
New Year Resolution Jokes
My resolution is to break my resolutions, that way I succeed at something!
Decided to make a resolution to procrastinate more, starting tomorrow.
This year, I resolved to be nostalgic. I already miss 2022!
My gym asked me for a renewal. I said I’ll sleep on it… for a year.
Resolved to eat more chocolate, because nobody likes a quitter.
My resolution is to read more. So I put subtitles on my TV.
I’m resolving to be more assertive if that’s okay with everyone else?
Resolution for the year: Stop trying to be “less” of anything.
I resolved to save money, but I guess I’ll start after buying this new outfit!
This year’s resolution: Buy a bigger basket for all my eggs!
I’m going to find a new error every day. Today’s mistake: making resolutions.
Planning to lose weight in the New Year by avoiding any weighing scale.
My New Year’s resolution is 1080p. Time to upgrade!
I resolved to stop making bad puns, but I can’t help myself, pun-intended.
This year I will start hiding my resolutions, can’t break what you can’t find!
I’m giving up drinking for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Drinking for a month!
Resolution: Turn my can’ts into cans and my plans into plants. Wait, that’s not right…
New Year’s Resolution: Try to worry less. Instead, do more of what makes me happy. Like napping.
This year’s resolution is to figure out what ‘resolution’ means.
Resolving to work with neglected food groups: the chocolate group, the candy group…
New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
Resolution: I’ll only eat white snow this year. Avoid the yellow variety!
My resolution is to keep my resolutions to myself. Starting now!
This year, I resolve to finish the leftovers. Starting with Christmas!
I’ll try running once a day around the block, then maybe twice when it gets easier… the ice cream block.
This year’s plan: fewer wash days, more spray days!
I’ve resolved to delay procrastination, starting sometime soon…ish.
I vow to snap my no-resolution rule this year.
New plan: Avoid folks who quiz me about my New Year’s goals.
I thought about ditching my vices this year, but giving up isn’t my style.
Chinese New Year Jokes
Why don’t secrets last during Chinese New Year? Because even the walls have ears… paper lantern ears!
What do you call a pig that does karate during Chinese New Year? A pork chop!
How do dragons make their tea? Brew-long!
Why was the math book sad during Chinese New Year? Too many problems to solve before the festival!
What do you call an old snowman in China? Water!
Why don’t we play hide and seek with dragons? Because good luck hiding from that!
How do you know if a dragon has been in your garden? Your barbecued veggies are already done!
What do pandas use to make pancakes? A pan-duh!
Why was the computer cold at the Spring Festival? It left its Windows open!
What does a snake say during Chinese New Year? Hiss-tory is being made!
How do Chinese cats wish each other Happy New Year? Miao-y New Year!
What’s a Chinese ghost’s favorite New Year cheer? Boon-nian!
What do sheep say during Chinese New Year? Wool you be my friend this year?
How do you invite a dragon to tea? “Can I get some fire in my water?”
Why was the calendar excited for Chinese New Year? It gets to turn a new leaf!
What’s a rabbit’s favorite dance during Lunar New Year? The bunny hop!
Why don’t we give chocolate to dogs during the Spring Festival? They prefer “bark”!
How do you make a dumpling smile? Fill it with glee-sauce!
What did the chopsticks say to the food? “You’re coming with me!”
Why did the rooster sing loudly on Chinese New Year? It was his time to shine!
What’s a tiger’s favorite Chinese New Year snack? Anything they pounce on!
What do Chinese computers eat during New Year? Data dumplings!
How do you get a dragon off your doorstep? Just pay the pizza delivery!
What’s a Chinese New Year’s resolution for a vampire? Fang-shui their life!
Why are Chinese New Year jokes so good? They’re rice and easy!
What did the ox say to the new year? “Moo-ve over, it’s my year!”
What does a monkey say after a prank during Lunar New Year? “Gotcha on the gibbon!”
How do Chinese New Year revelers stay warm? With their hot pot-itude!
What’s a horse’s favorite Chinese New Year activity? Horsing around!
How do you know the Spring Festival is futuristic? Even the rabbits have hop-technology!
